Have You Ever Wondered What Your Pets Were Thinking?

I received a funny email from my friend Kelley several days ago. It made Shannon and me laugh out loud, so I thought I would share it with you.:)

DOG DIARY
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or
some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must
eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had
hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what
I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good
little hunter" I am.
Idiots!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in
solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies."
I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors
by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow,
but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be
more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded.

My Glamorous Blessed Life

I decided to go ahead and try writing a blog, even though I don't have a clue know for sure what to write. If it stinks isn't that good, oh well! Here goes....

I get up each morning and read my favorite blog Crazy Aunt Purl. I looooove her. She makes me laugh out loud. Laurie, if you ever read this, thank you for that. I feel certain that if you lived here, we would be best friends.:) (In a very non-stalker kind of way!)

My life is very predictable. The same thing everyday. All year. Get up and make the bed. Drink coffee or diet coke. Read Crazy Aunt Purl. Yell at children until they get up. Feed said children. Feed the dog, my favorite of the said children. Then take the dog out and bring her back in. The fun starts here. I have to wipe the dog. No, that is not a typo. You read it correctly, wipe the dog. Wipe all her paws, her mouth, and a couple of other parts I will save for future posts. After the dog wiping is complete, the misery homeschooling begins. As Goldie Hawn said in the movie "Overboard"..... "Everyone wants to be me!":)


I have often said I have a fantasy. I am the star of the fantasy and I am wearing a big, fuzzy bathrobe!(Probably pink) I have a cup of coffee in my hand. The kids are all dressed up ready to go out the door. They also have their lunches (which they packed) and their backpacks ready. We all go to the door with smiles on our faces. I kiss them both goodbye as they run to catch the school bus (which comes to our driveway). I then close the door and enjoy a day of nail painting, teevee watching housecleaning, bill paying, poop scooping, taking naps exercising, grocery shopping, you know, the good life........Then I snap out of it, and realize this fantasy is never going to come true. I am a homeschooling mom, like it or not. There are no packed lunches, or school buses coming. Just another day at home with the kids and my favorite baby the dog. Every day. All year.:)

Fantasy aside, I love my life. Most days.:) I have a great husband. He loves me even when he comes home and I look like I have been at war for 3 weeks without a shower or a toothbrush a little tired. He is also very involved with our boys. He will call the week of my period often from work to make sure the "boys" are okay. He's very smart caring that way.:) I love him. Shannon, if you're reading this, "I love you!"

Our two boys are ages fifteen and the most hideous age ever twelve. They are very funny, and as different as night and day. I looove their differences. They definitely keep me on my toes. Every day. All year.:)

Well, that's all for now.

The dog is about to pee in the floor needing to go out....don't hate me ya'll. I can't help my glamorous life.