Victoria's Amy's Secret

Monday, I had to go back to the neurosurgeon to talk with him about a new problem that has developed in my back, as well as to discuss the situation with my nerve damage.

The nerve damage is improving, but I still have some weakness in my right foot (otherwise known as drop foot), so the doctor has asked Shannon to continue to do the 25 stretches, twice a day to my right leg. He said with these stretches that my foot should go back to normal; it just may take several more months.

Then, for the new problem, which is pain in my left lower back, he gave me a prescription for a back brace to wear.

Sigh.

He told me to wear it all day, every day, but to obviously take it off at bed time.

When Shannon asked what type of back brace, the doctor told him that it would be very similar to a corset.

I was relieved, of course, because corsets are generally....you know...sexy.

I started having images of some sexy corsets that I have seen before.......



I figured that having to wear a corset wouldn't be so bad after all.

So yesterday, I went to get fitted for my corset. Imagine my disappointment when they measured me and proceeded to hand me this......



Sigh.

Not exactly something that you see at Victoria's Secret, is it?



Well, at least it doesn't show up too badly underneath my clothes.



And, on a positive note, I liked the idea of something helping me to "keep my stomach sucked in." ;)

But seriously, it's not very sexy.

As I was driving home from picking this back brace corset up, I was trying to come up with a way to convince Shannon that this new look of mine is all the rage right now at Victoria's Secret. I tried desperately to come up with a plan to make Shannon see it as "sexy."

You know, like this.....



As I arrived home and was getting out of the car, I was starting to feel very hopeful about the whole corset situation. I figured that it would help me by holding my stomach in, not to mention protecting my back, and with any luck, I could convince Shannon that I looked great in it.

Right as I was entering the house feeling confident that I could pull this new look off without any problems, I looked down at my feet.

And that's when I noticed this.....



I could not believe that I drove all the way into town and walked around out in public wearing one black shoe and one brown shoe.

I spent all that time thinking about what I would look like in a corset, and what I should have been thinking about was making sure that both of my shoes matched.

Like I've told you all before (click here), I never quite achieve the look that I'm going for.



Sigh.

"No woman wants to see herself too clearly." ~Mignon McLaughlin

Bathing Suits And Other Mischief

I have a big trip coming up in May (I will tell you about that soon), so I desperately really needed to purchase a bathing suit.

So a few nights ago while Shannon and I were killing time waiting for the boys to get out of the movies, we decided to go into Wal-Mart and see if I could find a bathing suit there.

I know the thought of a Wal-Mart story is probably already putting you to sleep, but stay with me.:)

It is very interesting to me that there are all kinds of bathing suit options out in stores today, but every time I am out looking somewhere there are usually only two choices.

For instance, this would be fine if I was guest starring on Baywatch.



And obviously this one would be fine if I was guest starring on The Golden Girls.



The problem is finding something in between the Baywatch and the Golden Girl years.
It is very hard to find a youthful but modest bathing suit for a thirty-something mother of two, that happens to have a little extra "junk in her trunk".:)

So back to Wal-Mart. Shannon and I searched and searched. We finally were able to come up with a couple of choices somewhere between Baywatch and The Golden Girls.

I took both suits and went into the dressing room. Now, I did not want to buy anything without Shannon seeing it on me first. (This is because I think all store mirrors are rigged!) However, I did not want to parade myself all over Wal-Mart to show him how it looked on me, so I asked him to step in the dressing room with me after I had put the second suit on.(The first suit nobody but me needed to see; you know what I'm saying?)

Now we've been married for almost 17 years, so I didn't think this would be so offensive to anybody......but I was wrong.

When Shannon stepped out of my dressing room (after giving me the thumbs up on my bathing suit) he got yelled at. After I put my clothes back on and came out of the dressing room, I also got yelled at. I haven't been in trouble like that since I was in the sixth grade.

The "dressing room attendant" expressed her STRONG displeasure at our actions.

She said to Shannon and me, "We don't allow that in this store!.......There are some customers who could have been very offended if they saw THAT!"

I'm not exactly sure what "THAT" meant, but obviously she had the wrong idea.

Shannon just looked at her. I remained calm and politely said to her, "Your customers would have been a lot more offended at the sight of my big butt bottom hanging out of that small bathing suit."

She just looked at us and said, "Well, I'm sure they would have!"

At least we agreed on that issue.......:)

Shannon and I both just smiled at her and thanked her for her rudeness help as we walked away. We both felt like we were sixteen again and had just got caught kissing in the school library(or worse).

It was embarrassing and funny at the same time.

The bad news is that Shannon and I think we may now be banned from our local Wal-Mart, but the good news is that I did find a new bathing suit.

I don't necessarily look like a swimsuit model in it, but I don't look like a geriatric patient either.

So what do you think?



I'm just delusional kidding~:)

A Physical Date

Yesterday Shannon took the day off and we both went together to the doctor's office.
We needed to get complete physicals, so we made a date of it.(When you have been married for almost 17 years and have two kids, anything you do together is considered a date.)

We each had an x-ray, EKG, blood work, blood pressure check, and we both got weighed! I hate stepping on the scales at doctor's offices. I think they are rigged. How can I weigh 15 pounds more there than I do at home?
I tried to rationalize the whole thing......

My shoes probably weigh 5 pounds.
My jeans and shirt, not to mention undergarments could add up to what....7 pounds?
I also had several sips of water on the way to the appointment, which I'm no scientist, but I know water is heavy, so several sips could easily add up to at least 3 pounds.

I'm sure that is the explanation.

It's also embarrassing wearing a paper towel disposable gown in front of an office full of people who are completely dressed. It wouldn't be so bad if you just stayed in the exam room the entire time, but they like to make you wear this all the way down a long hall to the x-ray room. It was not the fashion statement I was wanting to make.:)

Since Shannon is over 40, his visit with the doctor left him feeling slightly violated.



Aside from a couple of violations embarrassments, our appointments went well.
We are both healthy. We just have a few issues that come with growing older more interesting.

After that we went shopping and had lunch together. We loved it. We went to a restaurant called Newks, and had the most delicious sandwich. It was called Pesto Chicken, and it was yummy! Toasted flat bread loaded with chicken, peppers, cheese, and pesto = Delicious!

I, of course, love any meal that I do not have to cook or clean up after, you know what I'm saying?

When we were finished eating, we came home and curled up on the couch with Allie and watched some television shows that we had saved on the DVR. That is our favorite thing to do.

It was a perfect day! (If you leave out weighing 15 pounds more than I should and wearing a paper towel disposable gown in front of strangers.)

It is an exciting life here in Crazyville.