Nuclear Waste

My last few posts have been a little sad due to all that is going on in my life right now, but today I just want to share a funny and completely somewhat embarrassing story with you.

When the boys were much smaller Shannon could never understand my need to take them to the doctor for every major little illness. I guess it's probably fair to say he thought I over-reacted to their illnesses a lot just a tiny bit.

That's why what I'm about to tell you is kind of funny, in a gross kind of way. (So, I want to apologize to you in advance. Sorry.)

When Matthew was still little enough to need help in the bathroom, he would call for me when he was done. Always me, never Shannon. He didn't want his dad to see him in this particular situation. Ever.

But, one day when Matthew called for me to come in the bathroom to help him finish up, I was quite alarmed at what I saw. So alarmed that I called Shannon to come in there with us. Shannon was needless to say, less than enthusiastic about coming in the bathroom to look at something. Matthew was not happy about it either.

When I finally convinced Shannon that he needed to um.....hurry up, he finally came in the bathroom to see what I was talking about.

As I just told you before, he always thought that I over-reacted a lot little bit to issues regarding the children's health. So his reaction to what he saw in the bathroom, surprised me.



He looked at me very seriously and said, "You need to call the doctor. That is not normal. Something must be wrong with him!"

I, of course, did not want to be the one to have to call the doctor and ask what it could be, much less explain what it looked like.

But, I did make the phone call, because if Shannon was concerned about it there was probably something seriously wrong.

So, I called the doctor and it went something like this.

Doctor: "How can I help you today?"

Me: (Not even knowing how to begin) "Um..........My son just used the bathroom a few minutes ago, and um...........what came out of him is, um......... fluorescent green. My husband is concerned it might be some form of, um....... nuclear waste. Have you ever heard of anything like this before?"

Doctor: laughter

Doctor: more laughter

Me: "Doctor, are you still there?"

Doctor: "Yes, I'm here."

Doctor: more laughter

Doctor: (Finally having composed himself) "Has Matthew been drinking grape Kool-aid or eating grape Popsicles?"

Me: (Feeling sure this man must be psychic) "Yes, sir, he has."

Doctor: "That's the problem then. Grape flavored drinks and Popsicles turn the bowel movements fluorescent green. Give him a different flavor from now on and his bowel movements will look normal again."

Me: (Mortified) "Oh, okay. What a relief! Thank you for making me feel like an idiot your help."

Doctor: more laughter

After I hung up the phone from that humiliating informative phone call, I looked at Shannon and said, "Well, I think this time you may have over-reacted a lot tiny bit!"