Three Kinds Of Men

I have recently been rereading a book called Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. (Click here if you would like to learn more about this book.)

This book has been an amazing help to me in my own marriage. It is a controversial book. Not because it doesn't speak Biblical truth, but because it does. It speaks truths that make a lot of people uncomfortable, and most of the truths go directly against what "modern" day society teaches us.

Whether you have a good marriage that you would like to make great, or if you have a bad marriage that you would like to make better, this book is for you. But, I warn you, only get this book if you are ready to hear what God's Word says about you and your role in your marriage; it's challenging, but it's true.

There is no possible way to cover all of the topics in this book, but there is one section in particular that I would love to share with you all.

The information is found in Chapter 8 of the book, which is titled, "Wisdom to Understand Your Man."

(Any words in bold are direct quotes from the book.)

Debi Pearl starts out this chapter talking about the differences in men and their personalities. Differences, that she points out, that are just as evident in one year old boys as they are in adult men.

She says that most girls wake up one day and realize that they have gotten a "lemon" for a husband, so to speak. And rather than adapting to him, most girls usually spend the rest of their marriage trying to change him into the man that they think he ought to be.

Her suggestion though, is not to try to change him, but to ask God for wisdom.

Wisdom is knowing what you "bought" when you married that man, and learning to adapt to him as he is, not as you want him to be.

No two men are alike, just as no two women are alike. Even though we may be tempted to, we cannot expect our man to be just like our father, our brother, or like Leonardo DiCaprio's character "Jack" in the romantic movie Titanic.



Sigh.

Our husbands are created in the image of God, and it takes all kinds of men to even come close to completing that image. No man is a perfect balance; if he were, he would be too divine to need you.

God gives imperfect women to imperfect men so they can be heirs together of the grace of life and become something more together than either one of them would ever be alone.

Today I will be sharing with you (very briefly) what Debi Pearl refers to as the Three Kinds of Men.

The three types of men are all representative of the three traits of God's personality. God is dominant- a sovereign and all-powerful God. He is also a visionary- omniscient and desirous of carrying out his plans. And, God is steady- the same yesterday, and today, and forever, our faithful High Priest. Most men epitomize one of these three aspects of God.

As Debi Pearl explains in her book, the more you learn to understand the personality that God designed your husband with, the more you will be equipped to be the wife that God intended you to be. You were created to be your husband's help meet.

She gives names to the three types of men, and since I am a very visual learner, I am attaching pictures of well known men just to give you an idea of what she is meaning.

The first type of man that she speaks about is called Mr. Command Man. Regardless of any political opinions that you may have, John McCain is an example of a Command Man.



Command Men are born leaders. They are often chosen by other men to be military commanders, politicians, preachers and heads of corporations.

The second type of man that is mentioned is referred to as Mr. Visionary. A great example of visionary men that she gives in the book is the Wright Brothers.



Debi says that visionaries are often gifted men or inventors. They are the men that keep the rest of the world from getting stagnant or dull.

And last, but certainly not least, is the third type of man, and he is referred to as Mr. Steady. As I was reading about Mr. Steady, I immediately had the image of John Walton Sr. (the daddy on The Waltons television show) pop into my mind.



The Steady Man does not make snap decisions or spend his last dime on a new idea , and he doesn't try to tell other people what to do. He avoids controversy. As a general rule, he will be faithful till the day he dies in the same bed he has slept in for the last 40 or 50 years. This man is content with the wife of his youth.

Sigh.

Of course, there is much more said about each of the types of men in this book, but you will have to read it for yourself to fully understand what I am trying to say.

Most men are made up of a little bit of all of the character traits that I just described to you, but most men will tend to be much more dominant in one.

My hope for sharing this information is to encourage you to read this book, and I pray that it will help you (as well as me) to appreciate your husband for who God designed him to be. Learning the type of husband you are married to will help you to also learn how to be the wife that he needs you to be. And like I said earlier, keep an open mind when reading this book. So much of what Scripture tells us, goes directly against what "society" teaches us. That's why, to some, the information in this book is not easy to swallow, but I promise you, that if you read this book, and listen to God, you will walk away changed. Changed for the better.

Ask God to give you wisdom to see where you need to change to be the perfect help meet for your divinely designed man.

Genesis 2:18,21-22
"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him....
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man."

This is my corn!

I want to apologize because this is probably the longest post in history. I tried to do it in one million one hundred words or less, but it didn't work out that way. You are probably asking yourself how many words does she need to talk about corn? Well, grab a cup of coffee and a slice of humble pie, and sit tight. You are invited to join me in my cornfield and find out the answer to that very question.:)

My Human behavior is an interesting subject to me.
So much time is wasted in my our lives being angry at God about the things I we don't like. Things I we don't understand. Things that don't seem fair!

God has given me the spiritual gift of gab! He wired me for sound. I love to share with any one who will listen others the things I have learned about God in my life. That being said, I always look like an idiot in my stories. Everything I share makes me seem dense, but I share it anyway. God gets the glory, as He should. He works in my life time and time again, despite all the dumb things I do.

The story I am going to share with you today is no exception. I look dumb. God gets the glory, and I eat another slice of humble pie.:)

In February of 2003 my world was shattered. I thought my marriage was over. I was devastated. As a wife, I was worn out. I had done everything I knew to do, but it just wasn't enough.

The kids and I attended church every Sunday, without Shannon. He was never interested in going with us. I spent time teaching both boys about God. I went to Bible studies. I wasn't perfect, obviously, but I put a lot of effort in my relationship with the Lord. I longed for Shannon to have a relationship with Him also, but at the time, that seemed very unlikely to ever happen.

When my world was seemingly falling apart, I was mad at God. I didn't understand why He was letting this happen. I was trying so hard to do all the right things as a wife and a mother, but none of it seemed to matter. I was devastated. I was frustrated. I felt like giving up. But, those of you who know me, know I am stubborn (another spiritual gift, I think). I do not give up on things easily.

So, I stayed. I fought it out. I fought with God. I fought with Shannon. I had to get up each day and keep fighting for my faith. It was a struggle. But God was in my corner. He gave me rest. He gave me hope. He gave me peace. He gave me His Word. He was faithful to me. With God in my corner, I won the fight! My marriage was restored. It was a long way from perfect, but it was a new beginning.

God not only changed me and my heart, He changed Shannon too. He gave Shannon a new beginning. He tugged at Shannon's heart. Shannon became a new person with Christ in his life. During the difficult time of healing from all my emotional pain, God gave me this verse to remind me Shannon was different now. I was different now. Our marriage was different now. It was new because Christ was the center of our lives.

2 Corinthians 5:17
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

I put this verse on my refrigerator. I said it out loud more times than I can count. On my difficult days of struggling with old hurts, I had to remind myself of these words. We are new creations. We are not who we used to be. God has changed us!

It's funny how I always dreamed of Shannon having a relationship with God. I longed for him to be the spiritual leader of our family. But, you know that old saying Be careful for what you wish for, you just might get it ? Getting what I had always wanted took some getting used to.....

Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled with the changes that were happening in my home and in my marriage. Like I've said before, earlier in my marriage, I was the only one taking the kids to church. I was the only one developing a relationship with God. Shannon had no interest in either. Anyway, I wasn't prepared for what happened on a particular morning at church.

Several months into our healing process, Shannon had written a letter to the church. Our church was going through a difficult period as well, so he wrote it to encourage the staff, but he was also pouring his heart out to God. So several weeks after he had written the letter, we arrived at church, and were greeted by several people patting Shannon on the back, saying, "I loved what you wrote!"...."Amazing letter!"....."Nice job!"..."Can I have your autograph?"...You get the point...


Click on the picture to enlarge the passage.

Suddenly this man, who in the past never even went to church, was a Christian Rock star! It really irritated me. Nobody ever congratulated me on fighting for my marriage. For hanging in there through the tough times. For dragging the boys to church ALL BY MYSELF for years. For not giving up on him. I know, I know, it sounds selfish. That's because it was.:) I'm very human that way. I didn't do any of the things I mentioned for applause, but come on. He's been doing the right things now for a few months, writes one letter, they publish it, and now everyone is sooooo proud of him! It was irritating!

Shannon, needless to say, was quite hurt by my reaction to all of this. He thought I would be proud of him, and I was. But.......my heart was screaming, "What about me, God?... Have You forgotten me?" I tried explaining this to Shannon, but there's no good way to explain selfish hurts. :) I just felt like he was getting praised, and I was left out. I had fought so hard to stay faithful to God and to my marriage vows, but all of that went unnoticed. I know that God noticed it, but it didn't seem fair that Shannon got so much praise, while I sat in the background alone. I thought, "Why, God?"

I warned you all earlier that I never look good in my stories.......I bet you believe me now, huh?:)

Not long after this incident happened, Shannon and I saw the movie Field of Dreams. If you haven't seen it yet, do. It is wonderful!
There is a particular scene in the movie though that is my favorite.
If you've seen the movie this will make sense to you, if not, I apologize.

Here's a quick synopsis of the movie I found on the Internet written by Scott Renshaw.
Iowa farmer Ray Kinsella hears a voice in his corn field tell him, "If you build it, he will come." He interprets this message as an instruction to build a baseball field on his farm, upon which appear the ghosts of Shoeless Joe Jackson and the other seven Chicago White Sox players banned from the game for throwing the 1919 World Series. When the voices continue, Ray seeks out a reclusive author to help him understand the meaning of the messages and the purpose for his field.

To add just a little bit more, the author, Terence Mann, gets invited to join the players in Ray's cornfield...Ray wants to go, but he is told that he is not invited.
He can't believe his ears.... "Not invited?" he says...
Hear is just a short part of that wonderful scene:



Ray Kinsella: This is my corn. You people are guests in my corn.

Ray Kinsella: I did it all. I listened to the voices, I did what they told me, and not once did I ask what's in it for me.
Shoeless Joe Jackson: What are you saying, Ray?
Ray Kinsella: I'm saying? what's in it for me?

Terence Mann: Ray, there was a reason they chose me, just as there was a reason they chose you and this field.
Ray Kinsella: Why?

Why? Isn't that what we always ask God?...Why?...Why me? Why now? Why do I have to go through this?
Never before in my life have I ever identified with anyone in a movie more than I did that one.

Ray summed up all my frustrations with one word...Why?

I felt like Shannon was in my (spiritual) corn. The corn I had planted! When he was getting all the applause in my corn at church, it felt like people were saying to me, "You're not invited!"

After seeing that scene in the movie, Shannon got tears in his eyes. He finally understood what I meant. I wasn't trying to behave selfishly. I was just hurt and confused trying to understand my role in the whole situation. What was the purpose for me going through all this. Did my part count? Did my effort matter? Why, why, why?

When all was said and done, Ray Kinsella found out the answer to his question, "Why?"
Needless to say, the answer was more than he could ever had hoped for. But, in case you still haven't seen the movie, I don't want to spoil the ending.

Looking back now, I know my part mattered. I know my walk with God mattered. My faith mattered. Shannon has told me that my faith in God and my walk with God were the examples that made him desire God in his own life.

1 Peter 3:1-2
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

That's an awesome role to have.....and funnily enough, I didn't even know I had the part. But God did. God used me despite my own selfishness.

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Everything that we do in obedience to God matters, even if we don't understand it, or even see it at the time. God is always working the things in our lives for our good.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Just because other people get the applause sometimes doesn't mean that God has forgotten about us. Our time of understanding will come, in God's timing, not ours.

1 Peter 5:6
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

Well, my coffee is cold, and my humble pie is all gone (until God serves up my next slice). I guess this is finally the end of my post today. Thanks for being a guest in my corn.

(I was encouraged to tell this story after I read a post on Laura's blog called "The Wellblog." She shares a story about what happened when her dream of her husband knowing God came true. Click here to read her story. It is very moving.)

God Bless,
Amy:)

A Marriage Worth Saving

Last week I came across a post from a blog I love to read, and it really touched me. It's an honest account of her marriage. All the ups and downs. A marriage miraculously saved by God. One that she is so thankful for. She loves her husband, and is overcome with emotion as she writes about him.

My marriage too has seen a lot of ups and downs. There were times that I wanted out. Badly. But because of my relationship with God, I decided to stay and fight it out. Shannon chose to stay and fight it out. As a result, we now have a wonderful marriage. Not a perfect one, but one so full of love and respect. I love him now more than I ever thought would be possible. He is my best friend.

Sometimes you just can't know in life how much someone means to you until you are faced with the possibility of losing that person. What seems like a lost cause with no hope is full of possibilities if you give it over to God. Let Him fix what is broken. I know this because I was broken. My marriage was broken. But God took over both. He knew ours was a marriage worth saving. He did what Shannon and I could not do. He healed our hearts. He restored our marriage. As a result of all that we have been through, I have such a heart for marriages. I know that God can and wants to help our marriages be the way He designed them to be. Shannon and I are living proof that God can help you work through ANY problems. There are no problems too big for God to fix.

My life's verse is Luke 1:37
For with God nothing shall be impossible.

If God could heal my broken heart and marriage, He can heal yours too.

As I have said before I love, love, love movies.
The Story of Us is one of my favorites. It is about a couple that goes through ups and downs in their marriage. They even separate. In the end however, they realize....well, I'll let you see for yourself.