Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Nuclear Waste

My last few posts have been a little sad due to all that is going on in my life right now, but today I just want to share a funny and completely somewhat embarrassing story with you.

When the boys were much smaller Shannon could never understand my need to take them to the doctor for every major little illness. I guess it's probably fair to say he thought I over-reacted to their illnesses a lot just a tiny bit.

That's why what I'm about to tell you is kind of funny, in a gross kind of way. (So, I want to apologize to you in advance. Sorry.)

When Matthew was still little enough to need help in the bathroom, he would call for me when he was done. Always me, never Shannon. He didn't want his dad to see him in this particular situation. Ever.

But, one day when Matthew called for me to come in the bathroom to help him finish up, I was quite alarmed at what I saw. So alarmed that I called Shannon to come in there with us. Shannon was needless to say, less than enthusiastic about coming in the bathroom to look at something. Matthew was not happy about it either.

When I finally convinced Shannon that he needed to um.....hurry up, he finally came in the bathroom to see what I was talking about.

As I just told you before, he always thought that I over-reacted a lot little bit to issues regarding the children's health. So his reaction to what he saw in the bathroom, surprised me.

He looked at me very seriously and said, "You need to call the doctor. That is not normal. Something must be wrong with him!"

I, of course, did not want to be the one to have to call the doctor and ask what it could be, much less explain what it looked like.

But, I did make the phone call, because if Shannon was concerned about it there was probably something seriously wrong.

So, I called the doctor and it went something like this.

Doctor: "How can I help you today?"

Me: (Not even knowing how to begin) "Um..........My son just used the bathroom a few minutes ago, and um...........what came out of him is, um......... fluorescent green. My husband is concerned it might be some form of, um....... nuclear waste. Have you ever heard of anything like this before?"

Doctor: laughter

Doctor: more laughter

Me: "Doctor, are you still there?"

Doctor: "Yes, I'm here."

Doctor: more laughter

Doctor: (Finally having composed himself) "Has Matthew been drinking grape Kool-aid or eating grape Popsicles?"

Me: (Feeling sure this man must be psychic) "Yes, sir, he has."

Doctor: "That's the problem then. Grape flavored drinks and Popsicles turn the bowel movements fluorescent green. Give him a different flavor from now on and his bowel movements will look normal again."

Me: (Mortified) "Oh, okay. What a relief! Thank you for making me feel like an idiot your help."

Doctor: more laughter

After I hung up the phone from that humiliating informative phone call, I looked at Shannon and said, "Well, I think this time you may have over-reacted a lot tiny bit!"

18 comments: said...

That was hilarious!!!!!!!!!!
Mom :)

Busy Mom said...

Thanks for the gut busting laugh! How funny! And thanks for lightening up the load today for me. I needed to laugh! Not sure how I found your blog but enjoy reading your's. Check out mine.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Yes, that is gross! But with 4 kids, it didn't really rattle me. We're quite used to gross. Glad you're back to posting. I'll be checking in.


My Goodness said...


I give my kids purple and blue stuff on purpose...if you've got to help them or change them anyway, it might as well be entertaining, right?!


Good one!

Mia said...

it ain't easy being green! yes, being a parent means sometimes we have to look at bright green poop its part of the job description : )
I hope and pray that this frequent posting means you are feeling better? : )

Jamie @ Purposeful Pursuit said...

Oh, that is too funny! I've never heard of that happening.

much2ponder said...

That post made me laugh out loud. Wasn't sure exactly what to expect at first, but I kept reading and that was funny:)

The Boyds Family said...

Oh Amy!! That was the funniest thing ever!!!

I have never heard that before either - I may have to test it, but not with my drama queen....she'll prolly want me to rush her straight to the hospital.

Take care!

Kelley said...

TOO Funny! I guess ya learn something new every day, especially when it comes to kids!! But who would think grape would do that? It just doesn't seem to add up to me. Oh well, now I know!! Thanks for the laugh Amy, you are a blessing....

Beandip71 said...

LOL!! That is a great story! Why is it that our dc only call us to do the "dirty work" and not Daddy? Just one of those perks of being a Mom I guess. :)


valerie said...

Amy that is too funny!
I'm sure Matthew loves the story. :)
Really, who would think a grape popsicle would do that?

Laura said...

LOL. We've had a few of those moments ourselves! Now that the boys are old enough to handle toileting on their own, I find myself examining Lucy Mae's bowl movements the way I used to do theirs! No one said motherhood is pretty! For her birthday we let her eat a little cupcake. Do you know what blue icing does in a dog's intestines? I won't elaborate.
I am praying for your precious Allie. I know how special they become as part of the family. Thank goodness the vet found her heart problem in time.
I'm praying for a speedy recovery for you, as well! You are such a strong lady, my friend!

Tracey said...

Very funny I needed that! thanks!

Michele said...

Oh that is too funny! We have had that same "color" here a time or two! I knew the reason behind it, but I know if Larry had seen it, he'd be heading to the ER! :)

amy said...

That sounds similar to what happened with Mac when he went through a phase where ALL he wanted to drink was gatorade. I can't even remember what color it was--maybe blue. And when I picked him up from mothers day out I was told that his poop was NEON colored! :)
Praying for you, Amy!

Doran & Jody said...

LOL Ah ha ha ha. That was great! And beware when you eat lots of beets too. This happened at our house once. A bit of a scare but no need for a DR.

Ellie said...

Oh my goodness! That was SO hilarious! I live for stories like this. How funny!! Thanks so much for sharing. I enjoyed it a lot! :)

Paula (SweetPea) said...

How did I miss this post? I read the one about Allie Girl but missed this. Oh well. I'm here now. I would've NEVER thought purple pops would cause green poohs.