Friday, January 30, 2009

Honest Scrap~ Part 2

Now for Part 2 of Honest Scrap. If you missed Part 1 of this post, you can click *here* to see it.

6. I use the Proactiv System to help with my facial break outs.

I love it.

Before I started using Proactiv, I really struggled with embarrassing break outs. But after only a few weeks of using this system, my skin improved so much.

I personally think that my skin has never looked better. What do you think? ;)

7. I used to have a big mole on my face.

I always hated it. But I lived with it, until I was in the eleventh grade that is.

A jerk guy in my art class at the time drew a caricature portrait of me. It was very good, admittedly, but he made the mole in my portrait ginormous! I was so humidified mortified. I went home crying and begged my mom to take me to the doctor to have it removed. Which she did. Thank you, Mom!

Not long after I had that big thing whacked off of my face, a new girl was making a name for herself in the modeling scene. You may remember her....Cindy Crawford anyone?

And much to my chagrin, she was made famous because of the "beauty mark" on her face.


I was so far ahead of my time.

8. Once I tried to be helpful to a stranger, but it did not work out at all like I had planned.

See, my mom and I were driving by this house in Crazyville, and there were a lot of cows all on the property. And to me, it looked as if one of the cows was on the grass, way too close to the road. I didn't like the thought of someone crashing their car into that BIG animal, so I pulled over and got out of the car. I saw the farmer out near the house, and I went to tell him that one of his cows was loose.

It went something like this....

Me: (As I was walking closer and closer to the man) Excuse me sir, one of your cows is llllll...oooooo.....sssssss...eeeeee.

Farmer: (Said as he chuckled to himself) No it's not! I've got an electric fence all the way around the property.

Me: (Dizzy and numb from having just been shocked as I walked right into the electric fence) Just ignore me....I'm sorry that I bothered you.


Needless to say, if I say a loose cow now, I just keep on driving.

And please, whatever you do, do not mention that I told you this story to Shannon. He falls over in a heap of laughter every time anyone mentions getting "shocked" or "cows on the loose" around him.

You know the old saying....."No good deed goes unpunished."

And just between you and me, till this very day, every time I see a cow, I swear my leg goes numb. ;)

9. After living in the boonies of Crazyville for almost twenty years, I now talk like a hick. I sometimes feel like a full blown hillbilly if you want to know the truth.

I catch myself saying words like a hillbilly all the time.

For example I will ask Shannon sometimes, "What did ya do that fer?"

Fer? You would think I was raised in a barn.

That being said though, one of my all time favorite movies is Coal Miner's Daughter. I love how Loretta and Doolittle Lynn talk. And much to my family's dismay, I imitate them both. A lot. And if that movie is on, I have to watch it. I cannot help myself.

Here are a couple of my favorite quotes from the movie:

{the Webb children all receive new shoes, Loretta also receives a dress}
Webb child: Hey, how come she gets somethin' extry?
Ted Webb: Cause, your sister's become a young woman.
Webb child: Aww, she ain't no woman, she ain't nothin' but a dadburn kid.

{Loretta is seeing the doctor to see if she is pregnant}
Doctor: How you like married life, Loretta?
Loretta: Fine, 'cept me and Do is separated.

I could keep going, but I don't want the tens of you reading this blog to fall asleep before the end of this post. Just let me say, if you haven't seen this movie yet, run, do not walk, to your nearest Blockbuster store and rent it.

I'm just saying is all.

10. When I was about two years old, the lady that babysat me at the time, one day informed my parents that she believed I was retarded.

She thought I was retarded, because I could not do or say the same things that her kids could do or say. (Obviously, she was a little slow herself, because she didn't take into account that her kids were a couple of years older than me. But I digress.)

I'll give you an example.

My parents and I referred to my "private part" as my Beep-Beep. Well, the baby-sitter thought that was just ridiculous. She believed that all children should use "proper" terminology when referring to anything having to do with the body.

So, she insisted that I refer to my Beep-Beep as a vagina. Which, seeing as how I was apparently retarded, I could not pronounce correctly. So, instead of saying vagina, I would say "cagina."

And as if that wasn't bad enough, if I said that I had to go "Doo-Doo," she would have a fit. She insisted that I say that I needed to make a "Bowel Movement." Which, needless at this point to say, I also, could not pronounce. Instead, I would say, "I need to make a 'Bow Ma Mook.'"

Hence, why she thought I was retarded. Anyway, also needless to say, that was the last day that she ever baby sat me.;)

Well, if you made it all the way to the end of this long post, I applaud you and thank you!
And I would love all of you to take this Honest Scrap prize for your own blog and do a post of 10 honest things about yourself. No pressure though.;)

But, if you do this tag, please let me know, so that I can come to your blog and get my nosy fix on. ;)

18 comments: said...

That was funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To this day, if I saw that woman who implied that you were retarded because you couldn't do the same things as children 2 and 3 years older than you, my reaction would be to punch her lights out!!!

And...I do remember the time when we were in a very nice restaurant in St. Louis that you yelled out "I have to make a bow ma mook!" I could have crawled under the table!
Now as for quoting every line in "Coal Miner's Daughter," what can I say - I guess we need to send you to Hollywood!!
Love you much! Mom :)

Sondre Lyn said...

Oh Man! You crack me up! I will never drive by a herd of cattle without thinking of you walking into the elecrified fence! :D That is priceless! And your skin has definitely improved since you started using proactive... wow... :D

valerie said... are TOO funny!!!
I am sitting here laughing out loud and have tears because I'm laughing so much. That last part about the baby sitter was what did it. " funny. That would be a fun post to see what everyone called "those" parts when we were little. We called ours...there were only girls besides my poor dad...."tinkle." We would say we had to go "dirty" for # 2.... which also makes me laugh. I remember one time I was babysitting this little boy when I was a teen and he said he had to go "Benjamin"???? I never really got that one.

We got Proactiv for my daughter when she was in high school and she still uses it on occasion too. It's great.

My hubby and I love Coal Miner's Daughter. Back when it came on a lot we'd watch it every time and we'd talk like them too. We loved the part about the bologna. ;) Very good movie, I have to agree.

I do wish we lived closer to each other. You would be a blast to hang out with.

Have a great day. I'm going back to work today.
Just in time for the weekend. :)


Allison said...

what kind of person expects a two year old to use proper anatomical terminology?? good grief! glad she got the boot!

Kristen said...

Oh Amy... I am rolling! These two posts were hilarious! Your mom and missing items... I cracked up!

Denise said...

Ok, I am really laughing (and peeing) now!!! This is so funny. Especially the #10 - retarded . . . oh my goodness. I have never had a friend who was once mistaken for being retarded. And . . . . Coal Miner's Daughter is one of my all-time favs too and I ALWAYS watch it when it's on. Loretta to Doolittle, "You soun like a ol' bara a graullin'!"

Love these post and love you too. Thanks for the "ginormous" laugh.

Sharon said...

Oh yes me toooooo laughing my fanny off!!! (did u catch that)hahaha... Anyways I know when I pass cows now and see no fence, I will be very careful if I approach them. hahahahaha
Thanks for a great share today.
have a blessed weekend
I will be staying home and having a relaxed weekend, the traffic from the superbowl is horrible here!

Gina said...

Okay, that was really funny!!! I don't blame Shannon for laughing at the electric fence story. That is hilarious!!!! I can't believe that sitter told your parents you were retarded. How rude! Anyway, thanks for the laugh. Have a great weekend! :)

God bless,

Smiling Shelly said...

Oh wow, Amy! I need to run right out and purchase some of the Proactive stuff too! Maybe that's why you look so different. ;)

I can't believe you cut your 'beauty mark' off!!! If not for that, you probably would have been the next Cindy Crawford! *Sheesh!*

LMAO!!!! I am cracking up about this whole cow story!!! Too bad no one got it on film...You could have won AFV! *Mooooo* HA HA HA!!!

I'm thinking your hickism isn't due to living in Crazyville for so long...It's probably just rubbing off from all that imitating you do. ;)

But seriously, 'beep-beep' is hilarical!! :D

Great post - as usual, filled with lots of laughter.

Love ya bunches!

Anonymous said...


You SURE couldn't come to GA then. Those cows would have you not able to walk (numb legs & all) ROFL!!!

& OMG, I can't STAND that overly Southern Accent! My MIL says "yourn" & "warsh" (for your & wash)

I'm Souther (& was born here too) BUT DANG! WARSH??????

Crystal said...

Oh.My.Gosh. That was funny!!! I especially love #9. Sometimes I like to talk with an over the top southern accent just to get on other people's nerves, or embarrass my hubby. It's so much fun!

Laura said...

Can you see me smiling?

1. You have beautiful skin.
2. re: the cow: I'm sure electric shock treatments increase the blood flow to the brain and therefore would..
3. make any allegations that you are mentally dull inaccurate(what two year old can say "vagina"? my neices called it their "China")
4. Coal miner's daughter is considered a bonafide classic in these here parts.

luv ya, girl!

Paula (SweetPea) said...

I'mmmmm back...been MIA in hibernation, physically and also mentally and emotionally. I tell ya, I don't do well with four snow days and no work and alone in this abode.

You brought me back with funnies, for sure. I can't believe your babysitter...bowel movement at two. I don't even know if my 7 year old niece know what that is.

That is so funny about the cow.

much2ponder said...

OH my gosh, Amy! This post made me laugh out loud so many times. My dog was sitting here wondering what I was doing. The part about the cows and the electric fence, and this is the quote from your blog. I will need to start making a list of Amy's quotes pretty soon if you keep it up.

" I sometimes feel like a full blown hillbilly if you want to know the truth."

I laughed so hard, "full blown"? You express yourself so wonderfully Amy, I love it! and then I won't even go into the "cagina", that woman was CRAZY! All in all you seem to have turned out fine despite this terrible life experience with the baby sitter from the twilight zone.

Keep on being Amy and making people laugh. I appreciate the time you put in.

Anonymous said...

I could never get Proactiv to work for me. It just burned so! I use the Wal-mart copy cat proactiv instead.

The babysitter story was too funny!!!

My Goodness said...

6. I tried worked for a little while, but my break outs came back and I just had to give it up! Glad it works for you!!

7. certainly didn't look huge...mean 'ol boy!!

8. Um...hahahaha!

9. I'm with you...sounding more hick than I typically THINK I do anyway!!

10. Oh my goodness. I'm glad they got you out of there!

Lelia Chealey said...

Amy this was the funniest post!

Nishant said...

You crack me up! I will never drive by a herd of cattle without thinking of you walking into the elecrified fence! :D That is priceless! And your skin has definitely improved since you started using proactive.
data entry work from home