Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Have You Ever Wondered What Your Pets Were Thinking?

I received a funny email from my friend Kelley several days ago. It made Shannon and me laugh out loud, so I thought I would share it with you.:)

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or
some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must
eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had
hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what
I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good
little hunter" I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in
solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies."
I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors
by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow,
but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be
more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded.


Anonymous said...

LOL! Too cute! My dogs are probably thinking that we are neglecting them. It's been raining and they haven't been for a walk in a few days now. They probably have a few choice words for me. LOL!

Mama Mia said...

At my house I have 9 little brains thinking in this Cat Philosophy!! I just love it! Cats are just the best thing God ever created : )

Beandip71 said...

LOL! That is too funny. My cat has a major attitude.

hulagirlatheart said...

This is hilarious! This is why I am a "dog" person and not a "cat" person. Hubby had a cat when we got married, and I used to wake up in the middle of the night and find her staring at me as if she were plotting my demise.

melissa said...

it is so simple. my cat owns my house and tolerates me and the dogs living here. she looks at my dogs like they are by far the dumbest creatures to ever walk the earth and she is completely baffled as to why she has to share the same air with them. i loved it. i've read it before, but it makes me laugh till i cry.

Dianne said...

This is hysterical! I have a family member who would love this, I'm going to send her this link.