Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Medical Professionals

Before I got married and became a glamorous housewife and mother of two, I worked at a doctor's office. I was a bloodsucker phlebotomist/lab assistant.

I was nineteen and fresh out of school when I started working there.
Each morning I was responsible for helping the patients get ready for their physicals. I would check their vision, take their blood pressure, draw their blood, check their weight, then walk them to the bathroom and ask them to leave us a sample.

Now, you have to understand, when people come to the doctor, they are usually very nervous. You have to be careful to speak in words that are very clear, so as not to scare confuse them.

One morning as I was escorting a patient to the bathroom, one of the doctors overheard me say to the patient, "Okay, Mrs. So and So, now all I need you to do is pee in a cup for me, and then you'll be ready to see the doctor."

As I was heading back to the lab for my next victim patient, the doctor stopped me in the hall....

He looked at me very seriously and said, "Amy, would you please not use words such as 'pee' with the patients. It is very unprofessional!"

I thought for a moment and I asked him, "What words would you suggest I use?"

He replied, "You should ask them to void, or leave a specimen for you. That would sound much better."

So I looked at him and said, "Doctor, if I ask the patients to void or leave a specimen, they will probably *doo-doo in the cup!"

His response to that was simply to sigh and walk away.....

Later that morning, just to prove to him that I was right an obedient employee, I did what he suggested...

As I walked by his office, I looked at him and smiled, as I said to the patient, "Mr. So and So, now all I need for you to do is void a specimen in a cup for me."

The doctor just glared looked at me and rolled his eyes.......

One of the phrases I say all the time is "I hate knowing everything!" :)

This was no exception.

When I went back to the bathroom to retrieve the specimen that I had asked Mr. So and So to void....what do you think I found? That's right....a cup full of *doo-doo. Imagine the embarrassment I felt when I had to go to Mr. So and So's exam room and explain to him (in a professional manner) that I needed him to pee in a cup for me.

Doctors really should let their employees handle these professional matters. I'm just saying is all.

*I apologize to any readers who may have been offended by the use of the word doo-doo in this post. But in my defense, I was only nineteen when this story took place, and my brother was seven years old at the time. Doo-Doo was unfortunately a common household word at that time in my life. Of course, I would never use a word like that now. Ever. Seriously.


Sandra said...

And don't forget the time you told them to put their name on it and they wrote it on the counter instead of the cup! That was hilarious!
Love, MOM! :)

hulagirlatheart said...

I hate it when doctors' arrogance overrides the common sense of the nurses and others around them who are taking care of all the necessary details. As we always said in journalism...keep it on the fourth grade level doc..so folks understand what you're saying.

CC said...

a ha ha ha! Sometimes direct is the best way to go!

My Goodness said...


Don't think I've ever read a post with Doo-doo in it!! hahahaha!!!

Michele said...

Oh I can relate to this! I worked for a family doctor for over 10 years. I started when I was 18 and did all of the jobs you described with the execption of drawing blood. I was the EKG girl. I also had to run the front office as well as deal with pee in a cup! :)

sa061545@bellsouth.net said...

Amy, this is as funny today as the first time I read it!!!! OMG!
Doctors just don't know anything, do they! LOL!!! :)